Bloogers Byline

I told ya Mort dont give ol Blooger a computer no tellin what might happen. Gossip, Rants,Pious Ramblings Politickle Stuff. No good can come of it. Nosiree Bob

Friday, December 31, 2004

Knew Year

hopes all had a good Xmas yours truly did quite nicely thank you. the party was a wailin bash for sure. goin to a newyears eve bash at Berts house its a BYOB ya can translate that anyway ya want . I herd that ol Prat is gettin a haircut just for the party he must be over mournin or moonin over them lost pigs anyways its a good sign cuz he was lower than a worms belly .

just my luck i was too late askin Agnes to go with me ta Berts and now shes goin with Gar Pike from the local rag guess she figgers ta make the socialite column. o well the Hogg twins will be there with their banjos and bangles wooooeeeeee. hisshonour phoned me to make sure i dont miss his New Years Levee well i says to him is that a tax levee and he asks me if i know about sex and travel and hangs up . depending on the size of my head tomorry i might jast make it to that. gotta go have ashower and spray on some of that new colgne Agnes got me its guaranteed ta give a turtle an orgasm so she says i think theres a message there. happy new year ta all my readers .

Friday, December 24, 2004

here come Sant Claws

Hallalooja we is ready for Santy Claws. got Agnes comin over ta help me with the horsederves Bert is settin up the bar Ol Practical and ol Jimmie is supplyin the music . i invited a passell o people so i hopes everybody gets here . Hangin Albert is droppin in for a chicoo or two before he get the christmas rush. ol Melt Moore (the local ndper and free love expert) promised ta be here even tho he thinks merry christmas is politckle inceerect. its shapin up ta be a good bash.them boogers at public works finally got off their duffs and plowed the streets yesterday .for a while i thought this was Trawna.i got a mind ta write a letter ta the editor. hererd that wally world had a flood from a burst pipe in the cold dont they know this is the north it gits colder than an eskimos fart here . well i heer folks at the door merry christmas to all

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Brrrrrrrrrrr

the little town is froze up this marnin. i looked at the thermomter and it read -20 on the frog scale. it was so cold that I saw 2 eskimos tryin ta jump start a huskie. Agnes phoned me up to take her ta charch which i did .there was some smart ass guest preacher talkin about the environment and how we all must protect Gods creation by combatting global warmin and us settin there with icicles hangin off various parts . least he didnt go on about that same sex stuff .heered enough about that

. ol Practical says that two of them same sex fellers came by last summer and bought up all his antiquated stuff in the barn. stuff he made hisself .thats how he got the money ta buy the flyin pigs which havent landed yet so i hear. if it warms up this afternoon i is gonna take the Hogg twins fer a ride on the mobeel it only has room fer two but we 'll think a somethin. read where the Dalton gang is gonna ban public smokin in all public places i wonder if that includes the wacky tabacky too .if it does ol Jimmie is gonna have ta git back in his closet or claim its for medical use because of his sore back or front forget which. i quit doin that stuff when i found out ya could go blind o course i quit somethin else too that could cause that and just recently too. jest saw the time best i be off ta get the Hogg girls .

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

More Shoppin

man o man i been busier than one armed wallpaper hanger. that christmas shoppin sure fateegs a fellerBUT i got er all done and wrapped even. thanks to Mayor Graff the parkin downtown was free thats if ya could find a spot. we got just enough snow ta make my ol snomobeel whimper and the summer drivers snoboard thru the stop streets .sheesh folks never learn its the same every year oh well keeps the local constabulary busy

. ol Practical has the ticket he puts the chains on all four tyers and sounds like Santy Claws sleigh when drivin around town i was thinkin about them stud tyers myself I asked Agnes if she wanted some studs and she said sure seen as how the one next door dont come around much any more , very funny. i was readin in the Suppositor that our only homeless person found a home in the slammer for the winter nice and warm and three squares a day gotta love that. dunno what he did ta get such nice accommydations but i will investgate.i see the snow a commin down so i better fire up the mobeel and have a little run

Friday, December 10, 2004

Christmas shoppin

by goll i drove by wally world and they got the big sign up and bunch of vehicles parked in front. i see where the big bran new horspital has got them selves a publicist feller nothin said about more doctors tho . maybe this feller is hired ta tell us why we aint got more docs. speakin of docs went see Doc Stabber last week cuz i was sicker than a wine drinkin billy goat . he says ya dumb bugger ya had the flu dint ya get a shot ? well nosir says i i dont never get sick except after 3 jugs o four aces. ol Doc says ya coulda got the bird flu and he checked me for wings

.guess i better get a look at my christmas shopping list. i done cut er back this year . gonna get Agnes a 20 ounce bottle of parfume the good stuff like that Midnight in Kiev special they got at shoppers. gonna get the Hogg twins some frilly unmentionables and pay extry to have their names mamagrammed on em be good way ta tell em apart . gonna give ol Jimmie big box of nanaimo bars for him and his esqua thats missus to you uninforms. ol Berts gettin a new deck o cards unmarked. ol Practical is still despondint over them pigs so i ordered a book o pithy poems and essays by pig breeders.dont think i forgot anybody oh ya Melt Moore he be the local ndper and sexual intellecual gettin him a book too called 6 easy ways ta make money inna socialist paradice. actually there is only one way but i wont tell him that. well i better get off this putermachine and find my socks and jammies.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Them Pigs

well darned if we dint all turn up ta see the pigs there was Gar Doc Stabber Melt Moore Agnes and me. so when we got out to Wistful Achers (Practicals Farm) there was poor ol Prat siittin on the stoop covered in manure and peat seems them darn pigs took off on him last he saw of em they was flyin over the silos. that ol Melt took ta rollin on the ground laughin till Agnes stepped on his neck jest like a Carolyn. Gar says boys we gotta find those pigs he says Doc you take ol Blooger and Melt and I'll phone Norad and keep Agnes here in case I need to have some dicktation done. we all piles inta Docs suv and head north. went clean up ta Navy Acres and no luck.when we gets back ta Practicals hes cleaned up shinier than a new penny. poor ol Prat he got taken by the bacon. aw well we phoned Dead Bird ina Box and got an NDP party barrel for Melt thats the one with 6 left wings and a bunch of assholes . me i had a toblerone and slaw. got Doc ta drop me off at Agnes but she wasnt home so I beetled over ta my shack and to bed.