Bloogers Byline

I told ya Mort dont give ol Blooger a computer no tellin what might happen. Gossip, Rants,Pious Ramblings Politickle Stuff. No good can come of it. Nosiree Bob

Monday, November 29, 2004

No sno

hadda cover up the snomobeel-------- snow gone.that snow went away faster than Agneses money at the local lodges bingo. speakin of the lodge the brothers are orgynising a dart tournament next friday at the home for the blind here.last year they threw a pianny concert for the deaf folks at their camp. those boys are full of community spirit and other stuff too. well sir i saw the Hogg twins to find out about my scars well dint they want to have a look and there went my sunday. i'll git to the bottom of it yet and i do mean the bottom. i should cut this here short cuz i promised to bring Agnes a lotty and a cream pie from Dim Tims.dont think she knows about the Hoggs .almost forgot Practicals pigs got here today he picked em up at the airfield .Gar Pike hes the head honcho at the Suppositor is gonna take some pictures tomorry. wont miss that . him with his new digigal camera too.

Thursday, November 25, 2004


snow snow we got snow . took a spin on the ol snowmobeel around the back 40 danged if i dint hit a rock or two .Agnes got to hollerin at me somethin about an ol fool and his head is soon parted. that reminds me to look for the wineskin i think it might be in the garage which reminds me that I got the hole fixed was gonna turn the hole into another garage door but ol Bert tolt me Id just be encouraging Stoneboat to do more drivin. one wahoo in that buggy is enough.

Gar down at the Suppositor give me a preview of his rag and danged if those councillors aint lookin for a raise in pay. the publik is in a bit of a bind do ya pay em more and cut down on the graft or hold the line and be party to maybe polytical cornuption. Practical had a solution take em all for a boat ride on Moogers Swamp but Prat says i ya filled in the swamp yep says he but not the quicksandy part that Practical is well named .

almost forgot AP tells me that one of them yankee fellas that absconded to here after the election kicked off. AP says he had a problem with the corpse the guy was 6foot 7 and the box was only 6foot so says i what did ya do well says he i thought and thought then finally it hit me hes a yank so i gives him an enema and puts him in a shoebox did i mention that ol AP comes from a long line of hangmen guess hes gone against the family grain reducin instead of stretchin.his grandaddy hung the last feller in Canada right here in this town AP says people would say hangin wasnt much of a deteerent and his grandaddy would say it sure as shit detered the guy i hung .so much for history.

i gotta make myself scarce cuz Agnes wants me to go to a concert at the Schlockly hall that cousin Billy is playin at think i will hideout over at the Hoggs wanna find out what happened after the big game last sunday. mercy me i still got some scars.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Grey Cup drinkup

me and Jimmie got a lotta shootin but no snipes .them snipes is faster than a doler cashin his pogey check.well sir we opened a fine bottle o plonk crestas rojas I think to drown our bad luck and danged if we didnt see a rare bird sittin on the wire over the blind havent seen the OoHah bird in these parts in 15 years . tolt Jimmy ta put the gun down we wasnt about to bumpoff that bird and cause trouble with the local birder you get them old ducks riled up and ya might as well get outa town fast cuz your ass is grass and they got the lawnmower. by that time we was gettin hungry so Jimmie says come on over to Jenny Bitternoses cafe and have a hot bowl o corn chowder. which we did. was a wee late gettin over to see Agnes and when I got there she said i smelled like one of Practicals goats and i wasnt goin to charch with her.thats ok parson Pettifogger willl clue me what his sermon was about next time we play euchre.

well we got the boys over to watch the greycup or has Bert calls it the drinkup at half time we went out in the back forty and tried some field goals got Prat ta stand with his arms up about 20 feet back .he was a good goal post think i got a job for him after he kicks off someday. in the second half the Hogg twins came over with some good whoredervs and half a case o plonk . glad the Argyknots won their coach is a sweet little bugger for sure. dont remember too much after the game woke up early with the Hogg gals in bed and also ol APs dog . AP s dog is called Schlitz.sure hope this dont make the social news column in the Suppositor hoohah.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Santy Claws parade

hokey smokes theres gonna a be a big controversity in our little town. seems some opimistic feller has decided that the Santy Claws parade aint gonna start till 430pm next saturday.never heard of somethin so dang stoopid it gets dark here now by 5pm them poor kiddies on them floats is gonna freeze cold . the optimistic fella says it wont be a problem sure it wont for him ridin around in a cosy warm car.If that ol Santy Claws goes along withit I will be boycottin his ass for sure.

speakin of christmas i best be makin out my list wasnt gonna when Agnes was on the outs with me but now I gotta .almost forgot should put the Hogg twins on that list and ol Practical. i knows what he wants a new coat n coater so i'll get him one at Crappy Tire.have ya ever tryed to get a clark in that store to help ya out ?just like pullin a hemerroid out of an elephants ass. well i suppose its not easy bein a clark i remember way back when i was one in Bill Weevils fabric and fireplace store and the parsons wife came in and asked me if she could get felt and I said just as soon as I lock the store door. she tolt Billy and he tolt me and there went a promising career in retail down the biffy.

poor ol Prat is still waitin on them flyin pigs somethin to do with Mr. Bush and mad cow he says.well says i hes comin to Ottywa in a week or so why doncha mosey over to that disneyland north and ask him about them pigs.say i just had a look at the time and i better gets to bed gota early marnin tomorrow me an Jimmy Stoneboat goin snipe shootin on the island then i mights go to charch with Agnes.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

transcanada fats

couldnt find this here computter seems ol Bert took it home other night after the crap game thought i lost it but he just wanted to show his misses what the fuss is all about maybe i should get me a slaptop so it easier to tote about.that ol Practical was just on the phone he sure got his feathers in a knot he tells me Melt Moore (hes the local socialist and free love expert) tolt him that Jack Layton wants to have transcanada fats banned so whats the matter with that says i well says Prat that means Laytons gonna ban my peanut butter nah says i that Jacks off course but all the same ya better write that dumbsonuva bitch mp of ours a nasty letter ya know the guy wot doesnt do a thing for us and gets paid for doin it the same guy that only got up on his feet once in parlyment to open a window. them politico always chewin the fat and fillin us with bull dust.

went to the bank this marnin the teller gal asked me if i wanted to put mymoney in their investment plan no thanks says i got a investment plan LOTTO6/49.well then she asked me about an ATM card no thanks dont like that AlwaysTakesMymoney machine sides would rather give it to a purty gal like you not some ugly ol machine.speakin of tellers heard from Agnes she tolt me shes missin me somethin fierce and if i wouldin tease cousin Billy about his piccolo sheed like me to stop by for a spell. hmmmm think i might just do that cuz ol Aggie knows a thing or two about a thing or two. well i best go get my coppy of the Weekly Suppositor

Friday, November 12, 2004

toy ota trouble

theres my buggy stuck in the backyard with a big hole in the garage.waitin for Practical to bring his atv that should pull the sucker out gotta hand it to them jap fellas they sure know how to make a good little car hardly a dent onit.saw ol Doc Stabber this marnin cuz my tung has turned black. he fixed it with a bar of soap clean forgot about them choclate meatballs .good ol Doc dint charge me for the visit seen as how he owed me some mishoonya ( thats money to Jimmy Stoneboat) from our last pinochle game

.looked out the window still no Practical almost forgot Agnes called to remind me that she still aint talkin to me hope she gets over her fit soon .got my dander up yesterday readin the Suppositor seems that mayor of ours says we need a new sewage plant and its gonna cost well i aint payin cus I got a biffy and a big jug of lime.

.just heard somethin outside will be back well we got the jap wonder out and settin in the driveway. that atv did good thanks Addie thanks Tess thanks Vern fine horses. you got there Prat.big mess overby wally world today trucks graders flag ladies good job for a woman that seen as how they use to tellin fellas where to go and what to do.lands sake look at the time best get this place straightened up ol Bert Doc Jimmie and AP are comin over for some poker shortly AP called for me to hold his place he hadda stiff to bury then he'd be over .always on the job that Albert.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Hogg twins

wooooeeeee mighty good party at the Hoggs. them twins can sure cook we had pig cheeks in ketchup ,fried leeks on garlic bread, tube steaks with hotdayam sauce washed down with beer an pretsells.for desert it was chocolate coated meatballs in whipped cream yum yum.them Hoggs sure have a nice place its atop Habies Hill lookin down on Deadmans Pond well after all them eats and beers we played some strip euchre I think them gals fixed the deck cuz they never even took there socks off and me down to my stanfields twice poor old Bert got nakked 3 times now we know why hes a Ticle. ol Jimmy Stoneboat showed up just as we was leavin hey Jimmy you drunk ? does I lookit ? nope so i tossed him behind the wheel and said home James. he got us safely home and parked the car right thru the garage .got him a taxi . gettin late so i will watch the liars club cbc to you folks and hit the sack.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

them Hoggs

jayzus i got all that DBD chicken ate finally.Agnes is not talkin to me she phoned me and tolt me she tolt me cousin Billy bust his piccolo i know what he can do with it busted or not i tolt her so .

she told me folks are wonderin about our old horspital now that the new one is finished.this marnin me and Bert Ticle made some enquiries but we was too late seems some folks are gonna turn it into condomimiums for homeless people . Sheeeesh we only got two o them in the whole town and thats cuz the local slammer is closed now. wot gives? almost forgot went over to Practicals to see his sattylight dish ,ok where is it says i its on the manure pile says he why that says i it wont do stirfry worth a shit says he. see why his momma named him Practical ? seems too that his porkers aint arrived yet somethin about canadian custumes hold up hold up says i dint know those guys was crooks. better get havin the 3 ssses got invited to the Hogg twins for a party those gals are batchelors and sure know how to tamaracker down.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Practical Agnes

that ol Practical is at it again now hes gonna fill in Moogers swampcuz he heard a bunch of yankees are comin to Canady and will need places to stay hes gonna build a bunch of condoms. I says hey Prat what about all those enviromantic folks well says he none o them been around since three went missin in the swamp years back the silly ol fool forgot to tell em about the quicksand. danged if he aint got himself a sattylight dish him with no tv.

for I forget went to charch with Agnes .least i could do seen has how i met the goodFather at her door as i was leavin. that Agnes sure is a busy body oh ya Billy Sidebottam played the piccolo in charch Sunday. Miss Bach the organist had come down with the shootin sherry flu. well .every tune the rev asked him to play he begged off sayin that it was a hard tune to play on the piccolo. finally someone in the back pew says that piccolo player is a dumb sonava bitch .the rev stopped everythin and roared who said that ? silence deader than hobos this time i had had the corse i stood up and said rev i dint say that but i got a question what makes that dumb sonova bitch think hes a piccolo player ? wouldnt ya know it Agnes was pissed i dint know Billy was her cousin now all that chicken i ordered in for us i gotta eat miself

Friday, November 05, 2004


jayzuz that ol Practical is somethin else now he tells me he tosed his radio in the trash seems al he was gettin on it was" bullshit and political speeches" served him right for puttin the antenny in the barn. he even got rid of his tv awhile back toll me he heard the rays from it would dry up the lead in his pencil hell at 81 whos he gonna write to. gotta go visit Agnes she tolt me that she has a thang for me . hmmmmm.....trouble is shes so big I might not find it.


Well i phoned Agnes now she tells me them silos are on Practical Jonnssons property ( hiss friends call him Prat for short). seems ol Melt Moore the local ndper toll him Bush would get reelected when pigs learned to fly. Practical went right out and ordered some of those pigs from a yankee fella in clark county ohio imagin that . now he needs them new silos to feed the porkers.

was a wee frosty this marnin and lookin like snow best i fire up the snowmobeel. that reminds me the cops stopped a trucker last weekhe had a load of chamber pots and was headin for our town says he heard we had lots of snowmobeels but not a pot to piss in thats free enterprise for ya.

was out this marnin talkin to Garth Pike who owns the local rag for you who dont know its called the Weekly Suppositor its readers get to use it twice in the biffy any how hes workin on the wally angle thought i'd drop by Albert Pierpoints shop hes the local put ya underrguy didnt see my name on the menu so i just tiptoed by.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

wot gives?

Was downtown this morning and hokey smokes no parking spots wot gives says I summer is over and the terrourists is gone. mystery. economic boomlet/ new four lane highway ? more mystery. wally world is buildingat the south entrance also rumours of home despot ,caseys,kelseys,east side mary, price top it offmy neighbour Agnes Dei says she heard some silos were being builtjust by Moogers swamp somrthin about incontestible ballipstick missles better phone my mp about this only trouble is he aint listed under dumb sonova bitch. gettin back to wally world dont know what gives there this little town is under 8k population depending on which sign you look at . wheres the consumer base ? course we got a bran new 60million dollar horspital with state o the bill( ol art gets enough credit) cathouse scanner. also heard that the cops are gettin new wheels Vibe- raters I think. Best I go get some chicken from Dead Bird in a Box and do some thinkin.