Bloogers Byline

I told ya Mort dont give ol Blooger a computer no tellin what might happen. Gossip, Rants,Pious Ramblings Politickle Stuff. No good can come of it. Nosiree Bob

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Pussy Patrol

dammed if the Pussy Patrol wasnt at my door this marnin. it was some summer student. them bylaw yokels aint all dumb gitten a poor kid ta take all the flack about their kitty law. i told the lad that if he could find any pussys on my property he better share. he left shakin his head.i got on the horn to hiss honor and i called him everythin but a crimean crankhead boy i said you guys are sure gettin desperate for dough when ya gotta haul out a pussy tax next thing ya know yewl be taxin our poop. i mentioned that ta ol Bert and he said they already do that its called a sewage charge. that Bert should run fer office.Jimmie Stoneboat took a hiatus from wimins undies and left with the missus to go to a pow-pow up at the toolin island should be back in a week or so. good time ta call a poker game since he wont be around ta take our shooonya. the Home is agreein with ol Prat seems he found a nice little ol widow lady ta take up his time now i have to bring 3 DimTims when i visitez i dont mind tho he's just as happy as a nun in a gaybar.the pussy cop was back around seems he fergot his flashlight i coulda said somethin but i didnt.
SLFN

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

been real busy

Woooooeeeeeeee its been a time or two since i last hit the Byline. Lets see now, had ta help ol Prat move into a home fer the aged.( he went a bit senile) did some door work over at wallyworld till some smartass caught me havin a fatty on me break.Ol Bert Ticle called me a wussy willow fer takin that senior citizens job.that shot a hole in June ,the month that is. In July my haiphonese buddies got busted fer havin a growup in that nice house i found for them. I found em a good lawyer and they should getoff with time served. Garth Pike over at the Suppositor did a hard hitting op/ed on the drug scene in Hoot town. He oughta know too. Was over ta see Doc Stabber cuz I had this rash on my gentiles. He gave me a shot and told me to come and see him if they felloff.Before that tho he told me that our new medical mansion was in trouble financially and moralewise. Seems the dickhead in charge dont know his ass from a hole in the ground.Hmmmm maybe i should mention it ta Melt Moore hes our local end-dee-pee-er and sexual bonvivant.mentioning sexual reminds me that Agnes is gonna get charched. didnt break my heart cuz me and the Hogg twins have been practicin samesex ya know like I like the missionary position and the gals say they like the same. Well I better git over ta Home and take Prat a Dim Tims.
SLFN

Friday, May 20, 2005

Polyticlebelinda

Danged if that ol Melt dint give me the what fer over Belinda. Aw shoot thats polytics Common House style. one thing fer sure shes a lot better lookin than them ugly lookin Liberal bags.no wonder Pall Martoon keeps kissin her. I gotta song I bet ol Pall sings now I'm Lyin Here with Belinda on My Mind. speakin o songs that Jim Bobby has gotta fine one on his blog mind ya he aint no Mick Jagger in the singin department.while i was riled up isays ta Melt howcome them Nduper broads are so ugly they got faces only a mother could love and only with the lights out.ol Melt says he gotta good mind ta report me to Human Rights I said go ahead amigo anything thats got Right in it i like. Anyhoo hes comin over tonight fer some Texass Hold em and general beer pissup.

Any my readers and i dont know how many they are since my counter went ta glory that bin wonderin where i got to otta know that i been holidayin at ma cousins in Cut n Shoot USA.Needed ta get away after Agnes broke ma heart by crossin the street and takin up with that Liberal asshole Porky Bellman. well at least the Hogg twins consoled me mighty fine and mighty often. gotta call from my phongese pals they bought a house outside o town.not gonna have a housewarmin tho its not in their traditions. well i said give me a call if ya need any help with renos i'm pretty good at wirin and plummin.

gotta go have a consolation then git back here fer the poker.
SLFN

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Tax an Poly

well thats it tax season is over till next year.ol Blooger prides himself on payin his taxes he also prides himself on payin very little tax. in fact so little that next year i might jest go on welfare fer a bit or i might jest use some o that info i'm gettin from ol Gomery's rascals ta not pay tax at all.

jest herd the other day that the Hoot Town mausoleum is opin again seems some good feller donated a chunk o change to it. looks like i can donate my grandaddys spokeshave to it. tryin ta talk ol Prat inta donatin the worlds first or second coat n coater that he has to them folks. ol Berts gotta single action boogershooter he might be willin ta pony up.

Melt Moore the local nduper and latin lover is lyin low right now since i a joshed him at Dim Tims the other marnin i tolt him that Jackie Boy Latent and Pall Mall Martoon performed the first same sex marriage in the Common House .while on the subject i see where Tony Cement is crownin himself tory candidate here.a real little napoleon him.anyhoo i guess he aint tired yet o gettin his ass kicked he sure believes in turnin them other cheeks.sheest now we are gonna have a guy who dont know a bulls ass from a barn door runnin against a horses ass thats them rural ridings for ya.guess i'll protest vote fer the Confederated Lesbian Alliance Party thats CLAP fer any dumb boogers that didnt know.
SLFN

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Lively lively

things are gettin lively in the ol Hoot Town wth more folks lookin ta open up more stores and hotels speakin of which we already got some lowrent rendezvous here,ya know the the kind that rent by the hour. anyhoo i see in the Suppositor that the town fathers want ta licence kitty cats now if they do dat the bylawyer says they will need a shed ta keep the cat felons in not ta mention a bunch o boorowcrats ta collect the money etc. its gonna be a big boondogle jest so some damn official can go chasin pussy on town time. I should apply fer the job cuz i got the experience only thing is i dont need da money

.big rumour around that Dead Bird ina Box is gonna open a sit down bistro over by wally world,i jest might go there and order a nice bottle of bingo ta have with a toblerone. might invite the Hogg twins ta come wth me too.which reminds me that last week i was at their house for some S&M sausage & meatballs. ol Ber tolt me that him and the missus use to practice s&m she'd sleep and he'd manipulate. that manipulate thing reminds me thet i read in the Trawna Globe that Tony Cement of the late Mike Harris govment wants ta git nominated up here hell if he does we are gonna have two dumb sonsabitches ta choose from Cementhead and Peckerhead.ol Melt the local ndooper thinks its real comical i tolt him that Layton buddy o his is gonna stick his nose so far up Martin's backside that everytime Martin farts Laytons eyes will git browner

.well i gotta go cut the weeds in the back forty got them haiphongese folks come in fer a camp out and a scout around the town fer a hydrophonic location.maybe i'll sell em my ol stereophonic ta put in the hydrophonic jayzus i'm gettin the mix ups.
SLFN

Monday, April 11, 2005

Bloggysphere an such

wot with all da hype about de new horspital i clean fergot ta report the demise of Hoot Towns museum . it looks more like a mausoleum settin back there in the tall timbers up on a big hill no wonder its gone titters up.now i'm jest as in favor of culture as the next guy hell i even bin at the tso in Trawna a time or two but that mausoleum was a complete waste o tax bucks wrong place and wrong building. got a letter from that mp here tellin me what good job him and them Liberals are doin with our money all this adscam stuff goin on and he tells me dat now ya know why he's one dumb sonovabitch i got a good mind ta take a load o manure from Prats farm and dump in front of his office.

well with things quiet aroun here other than fixin up the back forty i bin checkin the bloggysphere sure some real strange stuff out there. i found one thats about small dead animals and its run by a spiffy lookin chic a possible 8 course i read my ol pal Jim Bobbys scribin when he aint too busy fixin them squirrels damn he wont take my suggestion fer the problem tho. found another feller by name of lighting bugs butt i kid ya not thats his moniker.he sure writes some funny stuff. i got into a wee spat there with this here candi gal cus she said old people suck she musta caught her folks doin it . then theres this meatriarchy feller who has some good recipes along with some polyticle insights and outsights .

i guess thats about it Agnes should be back from her ladys red hat society convention on Thursday got her a whole bag o moonpies ta celebrate meanwhile i'm gonna have the boys over fer some texas holdem and general beer pissup .

SLFN

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Horspital visitez

well i got the tour of the new horspital and it is real nice.one half will be fer all the sickuns and the other half fer all the ol folks that aint wanted by their kids. Jimmie was impressed by the healing room dast dere fer his first national folks.ol doc says hes stayin on after gettin a gander at the two surgical sweets Prat tried out one of them beds in the longtime care place and said its too small so hes gonna stay on da farm Agnes liked da new gift shop.the Hogg twins couldnt get over the size of the birthing rooms dont get any ideas there you two ol Melt liked the room where they will put contaminated folks he should he will be dere oneday ol Bert wants his frau ta try out the catscan someday just so he knows what goes on in her head AP liked da morgue and the autohopsy room. ol Bloooger just wanted ta get the hell out of there sick people make him nervous.

i was thinkin after readin the Sun why would them mp idiots wanna go traipsin all over eurup vistin whorehouses when they come from da biggest one in Canada which reminds me that i bought a thousant barrels o oil as a hedge that broker feller tolt me.i best be clearin a spot in the back forty ta store em they will make a different lookin hedge fer sure. speakin o money i got a new vehicle a ram pickum up 440 horses and dat aint hayAggie is gonna love the crew cab wooooooeeee
SLFN